Mass Effect Screenie a Day – Goodbye Shepard

Tomorrow is the official day. Tomorrow is when we finally say, in Saren Arterius’ immortal… uhh quite mortal words:

Paragon outcome scene in end battle in Mass Effect

I just want us to take a brief moment to mourn and honor the life and legacy of one of the galaxy’s most famous spectres.

I mean Shepard of course, not Saren. He was a traitor to his people, a murderer, a sociopath, an embodiment of all things that are wrong with the idea of a government agency without oversight or rules. And he bloody well deserved what he got, the bastard.
Huh, so many years and I still hate this guy’s guts. Read Mass Effect: Revelation by Drew Karpyshyn to learn more about this character.

Why Eden Prime Was Ignored – Mass Effect Screenie

Eden Prime is the first planet you visit in Mass Effect and probably the or onr of the most successful extraterrestrial colonies of humanity. The planet is remarkably suited for human habitation and is of course in large part a farm planet as a result. Though I wonder what the transport cost of food must be in space.

Eden Prime, Mass Effect 1

It’s located near the Charon mass relay, a name which is itself a diabolical counterpoint to the heavenly naming schemes of the planets in the system.

The agrarian planet is described as a model for sustainable colonization. But it’s located on the doorstep of the Terminus systems, a lawless area of space practically hiving with scum and villainy. So it comes as no surprise to the experienced older races that the farmers on Eden Prime get hit by the Geth whom nobody has seen outside the Veil in centuries.

All of the above is information you can pick up in-game or on the wiki. So here’s my question: Below I’ve marked in green the Terminus Systems to Galactic North, The Perseus Veil and Rannoch where the Geth live/lived, and Eden Prime in the Exodus System.

So how exactly, dear council, is that a colony built on the borders of the Terminus Systems?

My careless scribbles across a map made by Am-P on deviantART. See below for actual map please.

That’s all I want to know about Eden Prime and why the council couldn’t lift a finger for those poor colonists.

Am-p’s Mass Effect Map

Angel Blue Eyes of Miranda Lawson – ME2 Screenie

Without a doubt, the simultaneously most attractive and competent addition to the Mass Effect character gallery in Mass Effect 2 was Miranda Lawson.

Miranda Lawson , ME2

The genetically tailored perfect woman who proved by that very nature to be intractable to her self-absorbed shallow millionaire dad’s plans for her. That’s right people, perfect women come with free will, whodathunk?

Miranda Lawson, ME2

Miranda’s skills have a pretty far reach as she’s the one in charge of the Lazarus project tasked with bringing Shepard back to life, she runs a large information network of her own and in her copious free time she’s a deadly active operative for Cerberus.

Despite all her accomplishments she never seems to feel they are worth as much as anyone else’s because of her origins. Her father would have spared no expense plying those crafted genes with the best schooling money can buy. Miranda’s background story therefore, is a question of nature vs nurture or more specifically a question of talent vs. training.

Miranda Lawson, ME2

Miranda’s voice actor, Yvonne Strahowski (Chuck, 24, The Handmaid’s Tale!), also imparted some of her looks to the badass Cerberus Operative though sadly not her glorious hair. I suppose as perfection goes even futuristic genetic manipulation can be off base.

Miranda Lawson ME2

Her dry and acerbic commentaries throughout ME2  are always a highlight for me but if you gain her loyalty and bring her on the final mission to have her blow off the Illusive Man to his face and hang up on him is just such a high point of the story.

I think the most important reason people love Miranda is how utterly capable and ruthless she is. Her devotion to practicality certainly speaks to my own preferences.

And there is something so uplifting as a woman to have a character like Miranda in a game. Really makes you feel like women can be more than just the packaging.

Miranda’s Ass, ME2

>.>

Yes, that was a bit of sarcasm because frankly, the male-gaze camera in ME2 is so over the top with Miranda that I can’t imagine it wasn’t meant as a subtle barb on itself. As is the physical properties of her suit. That has to be bodypaint, anything else makes no sense to me.

 

The Greatest Love Story You Never Knew – Kalros & The Reaper ME3 Screenshots

 

In a war that has thrown the entire galaxy into violent upheaval, they meet across opposite sides of a battle that only one of them will survive.

They were from different worlds. His destiny was writ large across the stars of the galaxy and the eons of time. Hers was forgotten, doomed to wither away with the dust of ancient history. In the middle of the greatest war ever experienced by the sentient species of the Milky Way, they find each other.

She as the last defender of a broken and war torn planet, the last mother of her people. Firey and tempestuous!

He is the stoic conqueror tasked with subjugating and civilizing her barbaric lands.

The clash of their wills will spell the greatest romance time has ever seen.

Their passion will scorch the skin of Tuchanka with the fire of a hundred suns.

The Krogan will sing of their embrace for a thousand years.

But only one of them will survive the battle that fate has forced upon them!

Kalros & The Reaper

 

BWAAAARP!

 

Maeko Matsuo – The Daily Mass Effect Screenie

Maeko Matsuo is the head of Port Hanshan’s Elanus Risk Control Services security forces. She challenges you when you disembark on Noveria with your squad. Unlike her underling, Kaira Stirling, she is cool even in the face of your undiplomatically pointed guns.

Maeko Matsuo, Port Hanshan, Mass Effect

She’s an ex-marine and with more than just a touch of Japanese about her name and expressions. This is a lot more human cultural reference than we’re generally given in Mass Effect which focuses more on all the cool aliens rather than the internal differences of the tribes of humanity.

She is voiced by Kim Mae Guest who has done a tremendous amount of video game voice work including Hana Murakami (Zhu’s Hope) also from Mass Effect and Dawn Star from Jade Empire.

Sam Shepard – ME2 Screenie Of The Day

My current playthrough I finally, finally managed to build a custom male Shepard that I love.

Meet Samuel (Sam) my hot AF Israeli Shepard:

Sam Shepard, ME2.

I find it odd that it is much harder for me to coordinate a non-default male face with Mark Meer‘s voice than a female one with Jennifer Hale‘s. Partly, I think, because the default BroShep face for me is so linked to that voice whereas, despite valiant or horrific, depending on your opinion, efforts in ME2 default Femshep is a more nebulous affair.

Sam, though, totally works with Mark’s voice which will allow me to differentiate between this guy and his Liara romance and the next playthrough with default BroShep and his Tali wooing. No, I don’t use a spreadsheet, why do you ask?

His code, in case I want to play him again. You are of course free to use it as well:

531.1CL.HJW.51E.R9R.ABU.WPQ.6MU.6G2.1I1.E47.6

Mass Effect Screenie Of The Day – Corporal Jenkins

Corporal Richard L. Jenkins is the first test of your ability as an N7 Commander in Mass Effect to get your squad alive through a mission. …You failed!

Richard Jenkins, Normandy, Mass Effect

I’m afraid there is no way to play through the Eden Prime mission without Jenkins rushing out and getting himself killed like a total noob. And that’s of course where he gets his name from, his famous Earth ancestor of Leeroy Jenkins who made the same stunt with a horde of hungry baby dragons and wiped his raid in UBRS in WoW.

Godammit Leeroy!

In memory of this tragic loss to the Mass Effect universe, allow me to direct your eyes to the Ballad of Corporal Jenkins while I hum Danny Boy under my breath.

Jenkins is voiced by Josh Dean who also voiced Schells on the Citadel, Jonn Whitson in Mass Effect 2 and Henpecked Hou in Jade Empire. You can also see him in a few episodes of Blindspot!

Wherever Jenkins is, I hope he at least has chicken!

Wait! There’s one more video you need to watch before I let you go today:

Leeroy Jenkins reenvisioned. Directed by Finn O’Hara in 2012 for CFC Worldwide Short Film Festival

Leeroy Jenkins Re-envisioned. Directed by Finn O’Hara in 2012 for CFC Worldwide Short Film Festival. Tell me that wasn’t worth sticking around for?

ME3 Screenie Of The Day – Eve And The Krogan

I consider Urdnot Bakara or Eve as Mordin names her, to be the diva of Mass Effect 3. Both because of her rich costume and interesting jewelry but also because of her poise and confident bearing. She is a queen long before circumstances make her one.

Thankfully she is no longer the only female Krogan we know of. Nexus Superintendent, Nakmor Kesh clan sister to Andromeda team member Nakmor Drack and the Nakmor Ambassador encountered in ME2 on Tuchanka, will be joining us in Mass Effect Andromeda and will be one of the rare Krogan scientists Mordin scoffed at in ME2.

She is part of the core team of station engineers who built the Nexus and her duties include station upkeep and making sure that everything works. In other words, she’ll be calibrating a lot more than just the guns!

Leaders Pop-up at 02.11 in Arks & Nexus training video

Watch BioFan’s commentary of the Andromeda Initiative introduction video Arks & Nexus.

Getting back to Eve, however, the pinnacle of her performance has to be her rousing speech to the Krogan. We’ve heard countless of them before, it seems we can barely make it through any hero story without one but hers is pretty damn good even to a cynic’s ears:

 

Eve, ME3, Tuchanka

Eve, ME3, Tuchanka

Eve, ME3, Tuchanka

Mass Effect Screenie Of The Day – This Effing Thing

We all have nits to pick with our favorite games. In Mass Effect the elevators are often brought up. The Mako obviously also a favorite thing to hate as are the collection quests.

But among the more obscure things that bug me this, whatever this is, takes a prominent place among my least enjoyable moments in Mass Effect.

I don’t even know… It’s on Feros in Mass Effect 1

I’ll grant you that it bugs me because steering the Mako with a keyboard sucks hairy monkey balls but still.Why is it there? What is its function?  It’s in the middle of the bloody road, why?

Just STAHP!

/sobs

ME2 Screenie of the Day – Tali’Zorah vas Neema

Sweet Tali. I have yet to encounter a single Mass Effect player who dislikes Tali’Zorah, even among the few who for one reason or another dislike the Quarians. Ash Shroka who voices Tali and reprises the role in ME2 and 3 may not be as widely known as some of her co-stars in Mass Effect but did an absolutely stellar job with Tali, especially in ME2 and ME3 where our girl gets a lot more screen time and emotional playing field.

Tali’Zorah vas Neema, Normandy, ME2

If there is anything I might criticize about Tali it would have to be an all-around critique of the whole Quarian helmet mystique. In no way, form or fashion should that be an unknown in an advanced galactic society.

What? Any Quarians who die and get autopsied away from the fleet have the procedure done with the helmet fused to their heads? Are Quarians, in fact, the space version of the Doctor Who Chula Nanogene fusion in The Empty Child?

Are you, in fact, this girl’s mommy?

Tali’Zorah vas Neema, Haestrom, ME2

If that Who/Mass Effect crossover joke was too obscure please leave a note in the comments below!

The text in the lead shot refers to Jacob‘s less than tactful comment when she joins the Normandy in Mass Effect 2. Cerberus’ relationship with the Migrant Fleet is not a happy one at that time so perhaps that’s where his cattiness is coming from. Personally, I think it’s because Tali is better with a shotgun than Taylor and a lot more useful to do missions with.

On the other hand, he doesn’t have to drink his booze with a straw. I’m sorry an emergency induction port!

Happy Emergency Induction Port Hour!
(Artist unknown, sorry!)